Exchange Partners

 After our initial meetings with Herr Bergren, our workhorse high school German teacher, we began preparations for the exchange. I am almost certain we filled out a sheet with our hobbies and interests, but also demographic information, like religious affiliation and such. At some point ahead of arrival of the German students, we received a sheet with the partner with whom we had been assigned.

My partner's name is Rüdiger. I think our match was pretty solid. Like me, he had a liking of the absurd and was agreeable to most things. He was a fan of the Rolling Stones, which was my favorite band at the time. 

Rüdiger at the Coan house with our cat, Tiger. (April 1982)

Unlike me, he ate everything. He wasn't at all picky, so he loved my mom's cooking. At his own home, it was astonishing to see how he and his brothers attacked lunch or dinner. It reminded me somewhat of how a lab eats - the intensity and ferocity. I could live 200 years and never would I approach white German asparagus with such fury.

Anyway, I don't remember much conflict, which is surprising for two teenagers who have to spend so much time together over two months. I think, for the most part, exchange partners got along pretty well. I don't know if it was our exchange year or another, but I think there might have been a conflict in one family. I vaguely recall an American family being a little too religiously fervent for their student. The vague aspect makes me wonder if it happened during the 1983 exchange. Perhaps Gary Germann will remember if that's the case. 

With Rüdiger, there was only one, slight religious misunderstanding. He had noted Catholic on his demographic form. Our family wanted to make sure we were respectful, so I offered to take him to Palm Sunday service. He agreed to go. Afterward, however, we figured out that each of us were going to be accommodating to the other. Neither of us really wanted to go, but we did get free palms out of the deal.

One of the early communication exercises we did with our partners, usually in small groups, was to exchange glossaries of obscene words and phrases. I haven't asked any of the female exchange students if they did the same. I vividly recall being in a small group of adults and parents in Germany, and the German students were translating the trickier parts of the conversation. Rüdiger, being the clown of the group, sprinkled in some of the obscene English terms he had learned, causing us Americans to laugh hysterically in the way only adolescent boys are able. Naturally, the parents insisted on knowing what was "so funny".

Since I'm still friends with several of my former classmates, I know that some exchange partnerships have lasted all these years. My friend Lindy still keeps a strong friendship with Kerstin. Claudia and Kathy are still in close contact. My friend Jon from the 83 exchange still keeps up with his partner. I did keep sporadic contact with Rüdiger for a few years, and I stayed with the family again for three weeks, five years later in 1987. That second trip I might have worn out my welcome a bit. I recall my exchange mother being critical of how much time I spent away from the house. 

Over the years, I sent cards to Rüdiger's parents (his mother, mostly). Not sure I heard back much. I did hear through Rüdiger's brother on Facebook that their parents died. I also tried to reach out to Rüdiger through email. His brother insisted I had the right email address, but again, I heard nothing in return.

It's always hard for men to retain friendships. It's especially hard across an ocean and with a language barrier. I do have fond memories from 1987 of driving with Rüdiger in his orange, BMW 2002, which are collectors' items now (wish I had one!), and drinking weissbier with rice kernels at the bottom to kick up the bubbles. I'm less fond of the fact that he rolled his own cigarettes. Hopefully he stopped that habit a long time ago. I do hope we can meet up in 2022.

Rüdiger in his bedroom in Germany, one he shared with his two brothers. (June 1982)